Gratitude is the Attitude - Taking Back My Power

I won’t make any bones about it. I’ve had a rough few months. This is not at all unusual in the acting industry - we all go through dry patches without a job in sight.

Create your own work, is usually what is offered as a piece of advice. But as a creative, I can’t work in a vacuum - I can’t really create my own work on my own. If I come up with a little film, I will need somewhere to film it, someone to film it, edit it, get the sound right (won’t I)?

If I come up with a little piece of theatre, I will need somewhere to put it on, some kind of producer (yeah, I could do that), direct it (yeah, I can do that, too), some kind of lighting, sound, costumes, etc. Yes, I have done that all myself before, but if I’m honest, it’s just lonely.

I do have script ideas in my head, but they need a little time to percolate. Like good coffee, they should not be instant, but brew to perfection (or at least be something more coherent than gibberish).

I also write poetry and fiction and I have been devoting some time to these art forms. I have put some up on line with some images to accompany them. I have had some lovely responses from people for whom they have resonated.

I’m trying to be grateful (hence the title of my blog piece today). I am trying to see what I have accomplished, what I can still accomplish, and really, try to find the best way to keep a grateful heart when I am constantly being bombarded by negativity in the world and in the acting industry.

There are many opportunities for younger actors and those just starting out - grants, funding, theatre companies, film companies, etc. There is not much around for those of us who have been around for longer, but have not necessarily made a name for ourselves. I constantly read casting notices and am amazed by the age ranges requested and what some people think of as “middle aged”. I have seen castings for parents of teenagers with an age of 37 (“middle aged”). Yes, if that person had their offspring when they themselves were little more than teens, I would get it. But in my experience, most parents of teenagers are older than that.

I meet up with other actors and look around the room and biologically, I could be their mother, but I don’t look it. Quite honestly, I do not see any characters on television or in film or in the theatre who adequately represent me and what I am as a person. But, I am unique. I look after myself. I try not to take myself too seriously (although this is hard sometimes as I am quite the overthinker and anxiously try to impress people). I play! I do funny voices in real life, not just while performing. I am quirky and loud and ridiculous. I don’t fit in an office environment (I have worked in offices and they think I am really weird - despite how efficient and practical I am in an office environment).

You may ask yourself: what is she on about? What is she trying to say today? Well, I’m saying that I am not as others and I am glad of that. No one brings to the table what I can bring. No one interprets the world in quite the way that I do and yes, you should find that refreshing (if not a little scary sometimes). Rise up out of the ordinary and be someone. You never know who you will influence or comfort just by living your life.

This month, I have resolved to take back my power. I have allowed things to drag me down for too long and have kind of lost myself in the process. But, I’ve readjusted my crown and will rise again and claim what is mine - create what is mine. Not everyone will like it. Not everyone will be comfortable. That is life and I was not put here to please everyone.

So, watch this space.