End of the Year Thoughts (and a Naughty Elf).
2019. What a year of mixed blessings. I’m trying to keep looking on the bright side - seeing all the good that happened to me this year, but sometimes, it’s kind of difficult when you’re me and overthink everything.
My blogs this year were highlights of my achievements (and I notice I didn’t post about my first proper life modelling experience in South London with a very talented artist, Rob MacGillivray (check him out here)). That was back in October, and I will say that it was a great experience. We shared many laughs and got along like a house on fire. I did several poses with my beloved longsword which, while I’m not allowed to swing it in either practice or competition at the moment (more on that later), I can comfortably pose with it and did so happily. I have no problems with displaying my body - the human form is a magnificent piece of art (or machinery depending upon how you look at it) - and I am proud of what I have achieved. I will say that I was suffering from a bit of a tummy bug and if I am being self-critical (which I frequently am), my abs were not at their shining best that day (two days later, though and BAM! back to normal)! But these pieces of art capture me on a particular day of my life and I am extremely pleased with them.
One of the things which has caused me to be more reflective and self-aware, is the fact that I had surgery on my right shoulder to correct an injury I sustained two years ago, and which did not respond to physiotherapy or steroid injections. It has curtailed many of my regular activities and has pulled me from doing many of the things which I love and keep me sane: pole dancing, silks, HEMA (so no swinging my longsword), and stunts/fighting. I have also been off from my only source of income at the moment: my sports and remedial massage business (Dragon Sports Massage), so I am poor as well (sometimes self-employment sucks). That and my Agent dropping me has made things feel a little bleak.
However, the gym is always there and I go more religiously than I ever went to church (sorry, Mum). This daily session (at a time when most rational people are asleep) helps me keep on track with my recovery and rehabilitation, and also keep my demons at bay (of which there are legion). This means that many of my social media posts have been about my training sessions, which I’m sure get boring for many people, but it helps me track my progress and keeps me accountable for my recovery.
That said, I have not spent all my time as a Gym Bunny! In September I had a visit from an old school friend and yes, I dragged here along for a session (sorry, Lorri!). I also wrote some more poetry and worked on a short film with Rural Media called IT'S KUSHTI TO ROKKER in which I played a teacher.
As I have already said, in October, I posed for Rob MacGillivray, also celebrated my partner’s birthday, and dressed up as Magenta for the last Stratford upon Avon Picturehouse showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show (and I was the only one who dress up at all)! I was joined by a young Spaniard from a seat further back in the cinema, who asked if he could sit with me as I was the only one who seemed to be having fun! So, we sang all the songs, spoke the dialogue, and had a grand time!
November saw my sports massage business turn 5. I saw the last of my patients on 10th November. I helped out at my modern fencing club’s Epee Championships and my HEMA Club’s leg of the Wessex League. Then, after my last gym session at stupid o’clock on 11th November, I had my surgery and things slowed down considerably. However, I was back in the gym one week later (arm in a sling and doing leg work like it was going out of style).
Which brings us to December and the year-end. I was very grateful to Robert Ball of FRED Theatre Company for giving me something to do to keep me busy, help others, and take my mind off my shoulder (and my brooding). He asked me to help him out on the first Stratford upon Avon Living Advent Calendar. I helped distribute flyers, man our information Hub, assist the acts, and did a bit of acting myself (reading Christmas poetry and appearing as a Christmas Elf). It was a wonderful experience and I was so pleased to see so many talented acts in Stratford - musicians, puppeteers, a fire eater, choirs, playlets, panto excerpts. - the list goes on!
I continue with my recovery and hope to be back to everything by February (or well on my way back) - it is all down to the Consultant and the Physiotherapist and I see them both later in January. I look to 2020 with all the experience I have gained over the years and will take opportunities as they present themselves. I have plans and will put things in motion to see that they come off, but I will be very circumspect and not as hopeful as I have been in the past for I have found that (for me) to be too hopeful is dangerous. I will also not blast things out until they have happened as there were several things I was supposed to be doing, which I am now not doing and I feel a bit embarrassed by my earlier enthusiasm. 2020, I’m ready for you.
